Finding Inclusion and Belonging

By Jennifer Berzok, WHC Board Member

A neurodiverse student was asked, “What does autism mean to you?” He replied:

“They say no two people with autism are the same, but in truth, no two people are the same.”

The accuracy of this reply is what makes our Temple community so special. Each of us is unique, but our Jewish identities bind us.

My son Ben, who is 20-years-old and autistic, is a third-generation member of Washington Hebrew. While his experience of the Temple has differed from that of others in our family, WHC has played an integral role in his life.

No two people with autism are the same, so I am not going to try to characterize every autistic experience at WHC. For Ben, verbal and nonverbal communication is challenging, making it difficult to participate meaningfully in some aspects of Temple life. Specifically, as he gets older and his differences are more evident to neurotypical peers, life is more isolating. As Ben enters adulthood, the existing infrastructure of the school system ends. Ben’s universe narrows as his neurotypical peers leave home, their worlds expanding.

“Inclusion” means different things to different people, so I want to clarify what it means for our family. Inclusion for us means that anyone who would like to participate can do so meaningfully and feel a sense of belonging.

A friend recently described the difference between inclusion and belonging as, “Inclusion is being invited to the dance. Belonging is being asked to dance.”

Inclusion in existing programs is not always possible, so when neurotypical peers can participate in an activity that Ben or other individuals like him cannot meaningfully access, the Temple should offer reasonable accommodations or alternatives. Meaningful inclusion is one way to ensure our Congregation maintains a diverse membership.

While I don’t want to speak for everyone, Ben desires to be asked to dance, included in a meaningful way, and to belong. Striving for inclusion without belonging is like making a promise without commitment.

Three questions arise when WHC discusses its efforts regarding inclusion:

First, where has the Temple succeeded in its commitment to meaningful inclusion, and where has it fallen short? Second, what are the best practices for inclusion in local Jewish communities beyond the Temple’s walls and across the nation? Finally, what more could WHC do to ensure that individuals like Ben feel a sense of community at WHC as they age?

There are many areas where the Temple has succeeded for Ben, particularly during his youth in religious education. However, it fell short in helping to connect us with families like ours who often felt isolated in our challenges. As Ben grew older, his opportunities at the Temple diminished until, ultimately believing he no longer had a place there, he announced his “retirement.” Ben, who is loyal to a place where he feels he belongs, is precisely the type of member WHC should strive to retain.

More important than my answering the questions above is for you, Washington Hebrew Congregation’s Clergy, Leadership, and Congregants, to pose them to the families you interact with at Temple.  While WHC has been a leader in the Jewish community for decades, I would argue that we are behind in our efforts around meaningful inclusion.  There are examples of Jewish communities around the DMV and across the country that are working in many ways to meaningfully include neurodiverse individuals in religious education beyond the early years, creating a true sense of belonging and connection amongst neurodiverse teens, and building communities for adults with intellectual disabilities who often have the least opportunities for connection. These communities are doing the right thing from a moral perspective and building membership, philanthropy, and continued diversity through their efforts.

Washington Hebrew Congregation has been my second home for nearly 50 years. Since its inception, it has led many important efforts within and beyond the Jewish community. I want it to be a home for my children, especially for Ben, when my husband and I are no longer around. I believe that it can be.

Jewish Disabilitiy Awareness, Acceptance, and Inclusion Month (JDAIM) has been celebrated since 2009, and is observed each February. We hope you will join us for JDAIM Shabbat@WHC on Friday, February 28 at Temple.

---